Mes chers amis
je suis malade comme un chien,
j’ai une fièvre de cheval,
je baille comme une carpe,
je marche en crabe,
sans cesse je plume mon renard !
Je suis là, ce soir, car je ne souhaitais pas vous poser un lapin !
En fait, cela m’a pris entre chien et loup, à table ;
moi qui ai toujours une faim de loup,
je regardais les yeux de gazelle de ma femme
en chien de faïence…
je gobais les mouches, quoi !
Ma femme, qui dit toujours que j’ai l’air d’avoir mangé du lion,
là, j’avais plutôt l’air franc de l’âne qui recule !
Nous étions attablés devant un bœuf bourguignon ;
ho, nous n’avons pas tué le veau gras,
non, nous traversons plutôt une période de vache maigre !
soudain, je me suis senti comme une poule qui vient de trouver un couteau;
moi qui d’ordinaire suis à table comme un coq en pâte,
je mangeais là comme un moineau,
j’avais la chair de poule;
une vraie couleuvre quoi !
on dit que là où la chèvre est attachée, il faut qu’elle broute ; mais quand même !
j’avais des grenouilles dans le ventre
et c’est peut-être ce qui me mit la puce à l’oreille ;
je ressentais des fourmis dans les jambes,
je me sentais maigre comme un coucou,
il faisait un froid de canard, brrr…
la faux me gardait assurément un chien de sa chienne !
je me serais endormi là comme un loir,
j’aurais été le dindon de la farce,
fait comme un rat !
la vie m’aurait probablement payé en monnaie de singe !
Ne riez pas comme des baleines,
si j’avais pu disparaître dans un trou de souris, je l’aurais fait !
Lorsque je suis devenu muet comme une carpe,
ma femme m’a donné un remède de cheval
et comme à cheval donné on ne regarde pas la bride,
j’ai pris le médicament, puis sur le lit je suis tombé comme une mouche
et j’ai dormi en chien de fusil !
Ha, la grippe m’a joué un beau tour de cochon !
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