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Une grippe de cochon

Mes chers amis

je suis malade comme un chien,

j’ai une fièvre de cheval,

je baille comme une carpe,

je marche en crabe,

sans cesse je plume mon renard !

 

Je suis là, ce soir, car je ne souhaitais pas vous poser un lapin !

 

En fait, cela m’a pris entre chien et loup, à table ;

moi qui ai toujours une faim de loup,

je regardais les yeux de gazelle de ma femme

en chien de faïence…

je gobais les mouches, quoi !

Ma femme, qui dit toujours que j’ai l’air d’avoir mangé du lion,

là, j’avais plutôt l’air franc de l’âne qui recule !

 

Nous étions attablés devant un bœuf bourguignon ;

ho, nous n’avons pas tué le veau gras,

non, nous traversons plutôt une période de vache maigre !

soudain, je me suis senti comme une poule qui vient de trouver un couteau;

moi qui d’ordinaire suis à table comme un coq en pâte,

je mangeais là comme un moineau,

j’avais la chair de poule;

une vraie couleuvre quoi !

 

on dit que là où la chèvre est attachée, il faut qu’elle broute ; mais quand même !

 

j’avais des grenouilles dans le ventre

et c’est peut-être ce qui me mit la puce à l’oreille ;

je ressentais des fourmis dans les jambes,

je me sentais maigre comme un coucou,

il faisait un froid de canard, brrr…

la faux me gardait assurément un chien de sa chienne !

je me serais endormi là comme un loir,

j’aurais été le dindon de la farce,

fait comme un rat !

la vie m’aurait probablement payé en monnaie de singe !

 

Ne riez pas comme des baleines,

si j’avais pu disparaître dans un trou de souris, je l’aurais fait !

 

Lorsque je suis devenu muet comme une carpe,

ma femme m’a donné un remède de cheval

et comme à cheval donné on ne regarde pas la bride,

j’ai pris le médicament, puis sur le lit je suis tombé comme une mouche

et j’ai dormi en chien de fusil !

 

Ha, la grippe m’a joué un beau tour de cochon !

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