Hiver soixante-sept. Fontiès-d’Aude revêt son manteau de neige habituel… annuel… ou bis annuel… une veste épaisse, tout au plus… mais tout est recouvert de la blancheur la plus immaculée qui soit !
Le village est plongé dans un profond silence, un faux silence, un silence chantant, un silence parfumé, un silence joyeux, un silence nouveau, un silence d’émerveillement, un silence exubérant, un silence brutal, bouillant, un silence prometteur, un silence de vie pour deux ou trois enfants… dehors !
Deux ou trois enfants sont là, sur la traverse du concasseur, la dernière bâtisse de la rue. Ils n’iraient guère plus loin par ce temps. Lorsque l’on a sept ans la petite traverse du concasseur parait-être, en toute logique, la frontière naturelle entre l’âtre familial et l’univers des souches et des pins… par ce temps, le territoire des loups !
Ces enfants ne jouent pas, inconsciemment ils découvrent ! Ils prennent leurs repères et posent leurs jalons, le bonnet de laine enfoncé jusqu’aux yeux, l’anorak ficelé sur les moufles et le velours côtelé des pantalons rigoureusement plissé à l’intérieur des bottes de caoutchouc !
Des empreintes de petits pas dans la poudreuse, des cache-nez aux vents des nues, des yeux qui roulent dans l’immensité, des merles et des rouges-gorges entre les boules colorées des pyracanthas, quelques bouclettes ondulées qui dépassent des bonnets, voilà ce qu’eût vu le soleil s’il eût été présent ; la vérité, l’innocence et la naïveté dans toute leur splendeur !
Des battements d’ailes, des sautillements légers et des piaillements hardis troublant le silence et le rire furtif d’une grive de passage, le combat pour la vie, voilà ce que sont venus voir, inconsciemment, ces deux ou trois enfants !
La musique pure du vent entre les branches des pyracanthas, les fumées de souches de vigne échappées des cheminées et montant dans un ciel de béatitude, les senteurs de quelques rouquettes abritées sous les épineux, l’odeur de la laine épaisse sur le dos, la terre de leur pays et les parfums de la liberté, voilà ce que sont venus sentir, inconsciemment, ces deux ou trois enfants !
L’air pur d’une époque troublée, la chaleur d’une vie qui débute, le loisir d’être livrés à eux même pour la première fois, le message intellectuel d’un vent de Cers dans la force de l’âge, l’envie de prendre demain à pleines moufles et de botter le cul de la neige à grands rires, voilà ce que sont venus cueillir, inconsciemment, ces deux ou trois enfants !
Les voilà, joyeux, sur la petite traverse du concasseur où le hasard a bien voulu les conduire… pardon, les voilà, joyeux, près de la porte qu’ils doivent reconnaître pour le jour où ils devront quitter la caverne, définitivement ; le hasard n’existe pas ! Peut-être liront-ils, un soir de neige, “la leçon de physique“ d’Aristote et “le mythe de la caverne“ de notre cher Platon !
Quant aux merles, aux rouges-gorges, aux rouquettes et aux pyracanthas, Fontiès est le berceau ; Fontiès est le tombeau !
Le pissenlit, le bouton d’or, le poireau sauvage, la souris, l’hirondelle et le moineau empruntent à loisir la petite traverse du concasseur ; je suppose que le rouge-gorge, le merle et la grive y font bon ménage !
Lorsque Hélios se prend un peu trop au sérieux, la terre s’y craquelle ; si Zeus est mécontent l’eau ravine sur les doucettes et les œufs de perdrix, mais toujours Gaïa lève la voix et dans le souffle d’Athéna Dionysos y fait rouler ses tonneaux ! La folle avoine et le coquelicot, sous le vent marin y dansent un tango parfait. De temps en temps la neige revient y poser les boas de sa garde robe mais l’émerveillement naïf de ces deux ou trois enfants qui posaient ici leurs repères et leurs jalons n’est plus que poussière… poussière blanche… blanche comme la neige de cet hiver soixante-sept.
Cinq février deux-mille douze. Après trente-huit ans de cheminements de l’autre côté de l’univers des souches et des pins, je m’éveille, enfin définitivement, sous la tuile ocre de Fontiès ; ou plutôt sous la tuile blanche de Fontiès, car la neige est à nouveau au rendez-vous. Et pour me faire plaisir, sans aucun doute, la neige vient un dimanche, un de ces rares jours où nous pouvons déambuler de la table au poêle sans avoir les yeux rivés sur la pendule, sans que le coucou ne soit un oiseau de mauvais augure !
Ce dimanche-là est un jour exceptionnel et je ne le sais pas ; pas encore. Ma tâche est si évidente que je ne l’entrevois même pas. J’irais volontiers vers demain l’esprit au ralenti et les bottes pendues ; que nenni !
Nous sommes en milieu d’après-midi. Par la porte grande ouverte de mon âme entrent Perséphone, Hébé, Odysséus, Eris, Apollon, Héra, Déméter, Hadès, Hestia, fanions en tête, drapeau rouge, drapeau noir ; tous me pressent à me lever et partir ! « Homme, debout ! C’est l’heure ! Le rendez-vous à ne pas manquer ! Suis-nous virginité ! »
Où dois-je aller, pour qui, pour quoi ? Message subliminal, réponse virtuelle !
Mais sous le dictat du message divin toujours le corps et l’esprit se réconcilient, le ciel est bleu sous la tempête, la neige est douce et chaude sous le pied, le cristallin bannit le rude, l’injuste et le futile ! « Lève-toi et marche ! »
Ouvrir la porte, sauter le Styx, trouver “des jardins au pied desquels coulent des rivières (Coran 9/72)“, “des ruisseaux d’eau jamais malodorante, des ruisseaux de lait au goût non altéré, des ruisseaux d’un vin délicieux pour les buveurs, et des ruisseaux de miel clarifié (Coran 47/15)“ ; voilà quel est mon devoir ! Voilà pourquoi le ciel est venu blanchir mon dimanche tranquille !
Où trouverais-je le Paradis à Fontiès ?
L’heure de me poser les vraies questions est arrivée. Sortir dans la froidure en est la clé. Des questions de quel ordre, de quels horizons ?
Le village est plongé dans un profond silence, un faux silence, un silence chantant, un silence parfumé, un silence joyeux, un silence nouveau, un silence d’émerveillement, un silence exubérant, un silence brutal, bouillant, un silence prometteur, un silence de vie pour cette âme, dehors, seule, livrée à elle-même, là sur la traverse du concasseur !
Mais les âmes offertes tôt au message intellectuel d’un vent de Cers dans la force de l’âge savent qu’il suffit de se laisser guider pour que l’unique chemin s’entrouvre sous les pas !
Des yeux qui roulent dans l’immensité, des merles et des rouges-gorges entre les boules colorées des pyracanthas, quelques boucles ondulées qui dépassent d’un bonnet, voilà ce qu’eût vu le soleil s’il eût été présent ; la vérité, l’innocence et la naïveté dans toute leur splendeur !
Pas d’enfant sur la traverse, pas d’enfant sous mon bonnet. Ais-je fais le deuil de l’enfance ? Ais-je trouvé le bonheur perpétuel ?
Pas de question à me poser au concasseur ; bon ou mauvais présage ?
Un regard vers la pinède de “Matet“… c’est alors parti pour les bottes et pour l’esprit. Personne n’est passé avant moi, la route et les fossés ne se distinguent guère mais j’irais les yeux fermés tant je connais l’endroit ! Le haut des arbres va vieillissant, les cheveux blancs à moitié cou. Les arbres et les vignes étirent leurs membres décharnés. Je marche sur des senteurs, je marche sur des mots, je marche sur des couleurs, je marche sur des visages, je marche sur des éclats de rires et de pins, je marche sur des sentiments, je marche sur des souvenirs et je n’en perçois rien. Je marche sur un tapis de nuages et tout n’est que sérénité !
Montirat en hauteur, “les Rougeats“ en contrebas, ni dieu ni diable entre les deux, ni biche, ni sanglier, ni lièvre, ni perdrix, pas la moindre âme qui vive et la mienne soumise au seul questionnement de l’être ; être ou ne pas être ; poursuivre ou stopper ?
Tous ceux qui jusqu’à aujourd’hui m’ont accompagné sur le chemin au travers de leurs ouvrages empilés sur mes tablettes de nuit, tous ceux qui m’ont donné la trajectoire, le mot opportun, l’image, se fondent de leur drap blanc dans l’uniformité du décor ; sont-ils près de moi, discrets, m’ont-ils quitté pour d’autres âmes, n’ais-je plus besoin d’eux ?
Du bois de “Gayraud“ je tente un regard sur le chemin passé et n’aperçois même plus les traces de mes bottes dans la neige. Suis-je toujours vivant ? Qui suis-je ? D’où vins-je ? Où vais-je ?
Puis un vent frais venu de nulle part traverse mon ciel d’idées de part en part, les cheveux me picotent sous le bonnet et quelques rouquettes quillent la tête sur un bord de talus vierge de neige. Un rouge gorge me crie au passage de poursuivre mon chemin « Va ! va ! » Le ciel s’épaissit, la neige tombe plus drue et ma sérénité est plus grande encore !
Il fait bon dans mon âme comme il fait bon dans mon cœur. Il fait bon dans le présent comme il fait bon dans le passé. Il fait bon sur les senteurs comme il fait bon sur les mots. Il fait bon sur les couleurs comme il fait bon sur les visages. Il fait bon sur les éclats de rire comme il fait bon sur les éclats de pins. Il fait bon sur les sentiments comme il fait bon sur les souvenirs. Il fait bon sur le futur !
Je redescends vers la cabane de Loulou Mons. Je ne suis plus dans le passé, je ne suis plus dans le présent, je ne suis plus dans le futur, je ne suis même plus sur terre. J’ai quitté Marx, Freud, Platon, Kant, Sartre, Hugo et Traven. Je ne suis même plus dans l’espace. Je ne suis plus ce Garrigou “aux Muses“ que certains aiment à voir déclamer. Je ne suis rien du tout ! J’ai sauté le Styx et devant moi s’étalent des jardins au pied desquels coulent des rivières, des ruisseaux d’eau jamais malodorante, des ruisseaux de lait au goût non altéré, des ruisseaux d’un vin délicieux pour les buveurs, et des ruisseaux de miel clarifié, et ce, jusqu’à Fontiès, en contrebas, et au-delà, outre le doute, outre l’incertitude, outre la mort, outre les cendres, outre la fin totale !
Je ne suis rien du tout vous dis-je, un sans corps, un sans esprit, adapté pour la circonstance à la raison d’un autre entendement. Mais si je suis un courant d’air, alors je suis le souffle de Perséphone, de Hébé, d’Odysséus, d’Eris, d’Apollon, de Héra, de Déméter, de Hadès et de Hestia réunis ; en moi les enfers, la jeunesse, l’aventure, la discorde, les arts, la lumière, la puissance fécondatrice de la nature, les terres cultivées par l’homme, le monde des morts, la caverne et le feu sacré !
A moi la porte qui s’ouvre sur la petite traverse du concasseur ; mienne la neige de l’hiver soixante-sept !
Moi qui allais volontiers vers demain, l’esprit au ralenti et les bottes pendues ; que nenni ! Tous me pressaient à me lever et partir ! « Homme, debout ! C’est l’heure ! Le rendez-vous à ne pas manquer ! Suis-nous virginité ! »
La virginité n’a de sens que si elle est de retour et la voici comme une aura sur le chemin parcouru et les saisons à venir !
Si « c’est endormi qu’Ulysse regagne Ithaque, riche des présents des Phéaciens » (Le retour d’Ulysse (L’Odyssée-Homère)), une botte dans l’eau sous la glace brisée, un frisson dans le dos, me voici neuf et coi sur le sentier du retour ; riche de certitudes je rentre de ma “Schérie“.
Dès lors, je reviens le pas plus rapide et la confiance aiguisée. Demain sera un autre jour duquel je ne boirai que le positif !
Sur mon passage les pins et les cyprès sont maculés de sourires entendus. Les nuages s’épaississent ; qu’importe ! Le temps qu’il fait sur terre n’a guère d’importance pour moi. Une autre bourrasque se prépare. Je prends quelques photos de la nature engourdie ; Fontiès est belle en toutes saisons !
Les vignes me regardent passer, étonnées. On ne mettrait pas un chien dehors par ce temps !
Les fumées de souches de vigne échappées des cheminées montent dans un ciel de béatitude. La petite traverse du concasseur attend d’autres enfants auxquels elle offrira les senteurs, les couleurs et les piaillements de la vie qui débute. Les merles et les rouges-gorges sont prêts entre les boules colorées des pyracanthas. Le rire furtif d’une grive de passage leur apprendra le combat pour la vie. L’air pur d’une époque troublée, la chaleur d’une vie qui débute, le loisir d’être livrés à eux même pour la première fois, le message intellectuel d’un vent de Cers dans la force de l’âge, l’envie de prendre demain à pleines moufles et de botter le cul de la neige à grands rires, quelques rouquettes abritées sous les épineux, la musique pure du vent entre les branches des pyracanthas, l’odeur de la laine épaisse sur le dos, la texture de la terre de leur pays et les parfums de la liberté leur permettront de trouver et passer la grande porte !
La folle avoine et le coquelicot, sous le vent marin, y danseront alors un tango parfait.
A chacun sa plume, à chacun son ver ; chaque oiseau quitte le nid… le jour J.
Après, ce n’est qu’une question de chance et de volonté ; les dés sont jetés !
Hiver soixante-sept; mon plus bel été !
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