Alors qu’il brassait méticuleusement sa dernière pelletée, de son petit village des Corbières méridionales, Jean ne se doutait pas de ce qui l’attendait à l’ombre du cyprès.
Des cyprès, il y en avait beaucoup, d’un vert bouteille du cru, gras comme des cochons de janvier et tous de la même taille, évidemment. Son grand-père, cantonnier au village, les avaient plantés en carré pour la Sainte Catherine, c’est-à-dire le vingt-cinq novembre… de l’année mille-neuf-cent-dix-neuf. Cette année-là, le pré étant bondé et la chaleur de notre pays méditerranéen n’aidant en rien le repos de nos valeureux bonhommes, le conseil municipal décida de la mise en terre de ces cupressacées.
Nous étions au cimetière, cela va de soi, Jean étant le fossoyeur communal, le conifère susvisé celui qui procurait l’ombre au lopin cent vingt-six… et sachez que l’histoire en question me fut livrée comme authentique par Pierre-Auguste, le fils de Jean.
« Tu connaissais mon père… », me dit-il accoudé au zinc pégueux du Café du Peuple, « …jamais il n’aurait raconté d’histoires ! »
Certes non, il n’est là le genre des fossoyeurs du Midi !
Ce jour-là, et comme à l’accoutumée, tout était exactement à sa place. En surface, appuyée contre le cyprès, à l’ombre, une pelle large, sur le manche de laquelle pendait la veste de Jean et la musette de son quatre heures. Sur le tas de terre, au bord du trou, la bouteille de rouge pour étancher la soif, un mouchoir pour éponger la sueur et quelques os qui revenaient à la lumière. Dressée contre la paroi, l’indispensable petite échelle de châtaigner. Dans le fond, Jean, affairé à sa tache de travailleur de force, la pelle étroite entre les mains, courbé sur ses ultimes finitions ; un rectangle impeccable, du travail de maître pour un défunt de choix !
Soudain, le drame… enfin, ce qui put être un drame… le sol céda sous ses pieds. Jean tomba deux mètres en contrebas ; chute sans gravité, heureusement… et là… consternation ; la vie !
Quel dut être l’étonnement, la peur sans doute, le choc pour cet homme d’une nature, d’une culture plutôt simple et joviale !
Jean n’en crut pas ses yeux. Il se trouvait assis au beau milieu d’une galerie où quelques disparus de dernières saisons allaient et venaient d’un pas lent, oisifs, et taillant entre eux le bout de gras. Vêtus comme s’ils furent encore sur terre, quelques uns lui étaient connus, d’autres pas.
Cette galerie menait à une espèce d’antichambre voutée, comme un hall de gare doré autour duquel les gens en partance seraient assis attendant l’heure du convoi. Sept à huit personnes espéraient patiemment avant de composter l’ultime billet. Mis à part quelques âmes en colère, mécontentes du service, sans que l’ambiance ne fût des plus festives, il régnait cependant une singulière légèreté dans l’antichambre. Jean fut invité à s’asseoir un moment afin de mieux se remettre de ses émotions. Il tailla naturellement le bout de gras avec ces trépassés en villégiature ; les hommes du Midi ayant la parole facile en toutes circonstance ; ce qui ne vous est étranger.
C’est alors qu’il en apprit un peu plus sur le fonctionnement du SNCF : le “Service de Navigation Céleste Forfaitaire“… car là aussi, il faudrait payer ; l’argent régirait donc le monde visible… et invisible ?
Pour accéder effectivement à la droite du Suprême et partager le pain avec lui, le chemin serait long et laborieux. Jean apprit qu’il serait des strates d’âmes chargées de faire “barrage“ ; secrétaires compréhensives de la haute autorité que l’on pourrait soudoyer par quelques bakchichs.
Selon que vous seriez puissant ou misérable, le transport vers d’autres cieux serait plus ou moins confortable ?
Une navette arriva, venant de je ne sais où, bondée comme une rame de métro toulousain, place du Capitole, le samedi à midi. De nombreux ectoplasmes, le regard hagard et le nez collé à la fenêtre, s’en allaient du côté des nues boire à l’éther nouveau les liqueurs de l’immortalité. Il paraît que les navettes célestes viendraient de très loin ; parfois de l’autre bout de la terre et qu’il n’y aurait qu’une seule ligne, à sens unique, cela va de soi.
Une poignée de minutes plus tard, une autre navette arriva. Pour Jean, les trépassés locaux sur le départ, eurent à monnayer leur embarquement ; ils tombèrent d’accord, les portes à glissières se refermèrent, le tortillard des vertes prairies traversa le mur de l’antichambre et disparut comme par enchantement. Ce qui, pour le moins du monde, n’enchanta pas le pauvre fossoyeur, qui, entre bousculade et négociations, fut embarqué par mégarde. Sous le scintillement de l’expression “quand on y est on y reste“, Jean commença à voir voleter les oiseaux de mauvais augure et ressentit les sueurs froides de l’angoisse. Ses cris de détresse se mêlèrent à ceux des autres, son visage blême et ses tremblements de “bleu“ ne purent convaincre les contrôleurs de l’extrême de la terrible confusion ; il partait lui aussi, d’accord ou pas d’accord !
Dès lors, ce ne fut qu’une succession de tunnels, de gares et de malentendus. Partout les mêmes gens, partout les mêmes cris, partout le même esprit ; tous étaient là par erreur. Personne ne descendait jamais ; toujours droit devant, sans autre issue possible.
Puis une espèce de gare “d’orientation“ arriva. Tout le monde dut sortir. Six faucheuses, agents de la “Société de Navigation Céleste Forfaitaire“, contrôlèrent la personnalité et se livrèrent au pesage de chaque âme ; ce qui prit un peu de temps. On orienta ensuite les unes vers une espèce de télétransporteur bleu, les autres vers un télétransporteur rouge, les inclassables, dont Jean, vers un télétransporteur blanc. Une nouvelle attente commença, ce qui lui permit d’écouter quelques esprits au courant des faits ; il en est toujours qui savent tout, du plus vert de la Corbière profonde au plus flou de l’empyrée !
Pour l’instant, bien que le décor, sans chrysanthème ni cyprès fut assez surréaliste, le fonctionnement semblait être aussi hiérarchisé et corrompu que sur la terre ; de toutes gens… et Jean, coi.
Tous allaient de leur histoire. En échange de quelques bonnes grâces, quelques dépouilles décharnées passeraient du télétransporteur rouge au bleu. Là, des lambeaux de rires et de mots traîneraient la savate et des ongles et des dents ramperaient sur une ouate de larmes. Des touffes de cheveux étoufferaient les chants d’honneur et des chandeliers brûleraient de l’essence d’entrailles.
Près du télétransporteur bleu, ce serait une danse de pelles et de pioches sous une pluie de cartilages et de terre fine… plus haut, des racines de pissenlits s’accoupleraient à des humeurs exacerbées… plus loin, des linceuls patchworks recouvriraient une nuit d’éclairs et des trainées d’obscurantisme zèbreraient l’arche du devenir, des caisses de bois flotteraient au vent mauvais et les grelots des capitons accompagneraient la fanfare abyssale !
Aux pieds de Jean, des bonheurs enchaînés bardés de cailloux vomissant, compresseraient des algues de raison et des approbations gratuites applaudiraient en soutanes violettes. De l’encens enfumerait la piste où se loverait toute une kyrielle de plaques funéraires. Une suée de sarcasmes roulerait dans les vertèbres du temps et des croque-mitaines riraient au travers des orbites inhabitées.
Que du mauvais ; la terre en somme ; d’hier et d’aujourd’hui !
Certes, quelques mues en devenir auraient assuré à Jean que de l’autre côté du firmament, la plaine fertile resplendirait sous la rosée et que des brassées de fleurs en litières couvriraient un tapis de tendresse… et que… et que… et que… Jean ne sait pas, Jean ne sait plus, Jean a du mal à le croire, Jean n’a jamais vu cette plaine sur terre, Jean n’a pas de références et Jean ne croit que ce qu’il voit ; Jean ne croit que ce qu’il vit ; Jean espère ; Jean y croit !
Jean n’a jamais fait de mal à une mouche. Jean est un bon père de famille. Jean est un homme honnête. Jean est un mari fidèle ; enfin, suffisamment fidèle. Jean cultive bien son potager. Jean panse grassement ses poules. Jean ne boit pas. Jean ne joue pas. Jean est fort et vaillant. Jean est altruiste. Jean va à la messe, le dimanche. Jean, juste anticlérical comme on peut l’être ici, invite l’abbé à déjeuner le dimanche de Pâques.
Jean n’est pas à l’heure du trépas ; Jean arrive trop tôt !
Jean a du mal à respirer, tout est obscur et oppressant. Il est six heures et demie, Jean n’est pas rentré, on envoie quelqu’un.
Jean se relève, groggy. Jean a mal à la tête, mais tout va bien, il peut marcher. On le raccompagne. Jean qui rit et Jean qui pleure se relaient jusque chez lui.
Une pierre est tombée sur sa tête ; seulement une pierre, pas le ciel ; ah, le ciel !
et demain, Jean, bon an mal an, reprendra la corvée ; sa corvée ;
la corvée des pauvres gens !
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Определенная люди может сомневаться в безопасности игры на деньги, однако благодаря разработок blockchain и лицензии на игровую деятельность у Spribe, игроки могут быть сомневаюсь в том, даже их личные данные и финансовые средствам хранятся под надежнее защитой.
В многом, Aviator Spribe – это интересная только захватывающая игра, которая может принести игрокам не только удовольствие, но и реальные денежные выигрыши. Компания Spribe aviator продолжают развивать и улучшать эту игру, что делает его еще более илушкой для участников же всего мира.
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